Wow, Suswati, this is one of the most moving poems I've ever read. The way the language shifts as the piece goes on was such a powerful way to showcase the deterioration of one's vocabulary when they quite literally can't recall the words they used to know.
I'll be sharing more thoughts on my podcast today as this poem is one of the five shout outs, but I had to leave a comment as well. This was truly incredible.
i had shivers running up and down as i read it. My hippocampus almost spluttered.
you have described the terror of reaching for words that should be there and are not, so well. The last lines:
Even as you wrestle
With the dull ache of memory’s failure,
You know exactly
What the forgotten thing is not.
You know what the forgotten thing is not. Poignant, sorrowful, and achingly true.
Know that your words will return, partially, slowly, trickling in like a cool stream, and then descend upon you in an avalanche, your personal dictionary whole again, and growing.
Thank you so much Debbie, I really appreciate that. I've had to now keep a notepad to try and remember certain words. But I'm hoping using it in poetry may help me to remember.
This is my life, probably for different reasons than you intended, but I resonate. At 54, my brain is sputtering, and the fear and shame of it all make me want to be that hare in the Arctic.
I'm so sorry Michelle that you're facing this. I know this can happen for all sorts of reasons, even the menopause. All we know is that it isn't our fault, so reaching out in solidarity.
Aww thank you so much Britt, that's the highest compliment, and one I'm truly appreciative of given the situation. There are days where I'm still struggling with my book because of phrases I can't remember, but I'll take your words for comfort.
This is so very beautiful. I can relate a little to losing words and this feeling, you explain it so well. It is a very understanding poem I think and helps others understand some thing too. That searching feeling. I lost my words a long time ago in a way, a brain injury and I had to learn a lot again and it feels like sometimes I never got them all back. I stammer and struggle with them sometimes in a way I never did before and I know what I mean but the words go and it is so hard. When you remember how easy it was to speak once before.
Roo, I'm so sorry my dear that you've had to face this as well. There are ironically no words to describe the frustration of this feeling. How do you manage this yourself?
For me, when I am tired I find the words go and I get tired a lot, so I need to rest. I think a lot of it is almost like, a physical problem for me? Like a record getting stuck. Though I know that is not a helpful image to some people, it works for me because physically saying words is sometimes a struggle, they just get stuck! Also to find my way around it it's like, you keep talking through it. People that are willing to listen, to wait and to understand are worth the time and know that you are worth the time too. In time, honestly I find myself laughing about it when I say a word wrong or stumble around trying to find a way to say what I am meaning. You have to learn that what you want to say has value and give yourself the grace to try and say it, don't let it make you silent.
That is so true, Roo. I can relate to this a little as well because of chronic fatigue and neurological issues. A friend of mine, who has had a stutter for most of her life, said something similar — that people you consider worthy will be patient and take the time to listen to you. We just have to try not to beat ourselves up about it.
Absolutely. I'm really sorry you go through those things. I never had a stutter before my accident but this is how things are now and I've had time to get used to it? So it's like as I learned my words again sometimes they came out 'wrong' but they are my words still. I think the way we say things is not so important as the things we say. Communication is so much more than just the physical sound of a word. It is everything; a look, a touch, a feeling. That is what is human. And all humans are different. Sometimes you can just look at a person and you don't need to say a thing but there is understanding. People speak different languages in all kinds of ways. Sometimes words don't even need to be spoken. You can take someones hand or make a sound, a sign, a gesture. If you don't 'speak' in a typical way, it doesn't mean that your words and thoughts have less meaning.
Completely agree Roo. I mean that's what makes communication, whether through body language or gestures, such an incredible part of our collective humanity.
"You know exactly what the forgotten thing is not." WOW this is so palpable. I forget a lot too / my memory has holes because of my disorder, so this made me feel so seen
Wow, Suswati, this is one of the most moving poems I've ever read. The way the language shifts as the piece goes on was such a powerful way to showcase the deterioration of one's vocabulary when they quite literally can't recall the words they used to know.
I'll be sharing more thoughts on my podcast today as this poem is one of the five shout outs, but I had to leave a comment as well. This was truly incredible.
Omg thank you so much Bradley, you made made my day!
You are so very welcome, Suswati. Thank you for sharing this poem with the world. It is an incredible work of art.
Suswati.
this is beautiful.
i had shivers running up and down as i read it. My hippocampus almost spluttered.
you have described the terror of reaching for words that should be there and are not, so well. The last lines:
Even as you wrestle
With the dull ache of memory’s failure,
You know exactly
What the forgotten thing is not.
You know what the forgotten thing is not. Poignant, sorrowful, and achingly true.
Know that your words will return, partially, slowly, trickling in like a cool stream, and then descend upon you in an avalanche, your personal dictionary whole again, and growing.
Thank you so much Debbie, I really appreciate that. I've had to now keep a notepad to try and remember certain words. But I'm hoping using it in poetry may help me to remember.
please keep writing. notebooks help.
It's an app that I'm using as I've lost my fine motor function, so the next best thing hopefully!
every little big helps. we are lucky to live in a time where technology can be helpful.
This is my life, probably for different reasons than you intended, but I resonate. At 54, my brain is sputtering, and the fear and shame of it all make me want to be that hare in the Arctic.
I'm so sorry Michelle that you're facing this. I know this can happen for all sorts of reasons, even the menopause. All we know is that it isn't our fault, so reaching out in solidarity.
Thanks, all part of aging I guess, but most women I know aren’t ready for it.
Such a genuine, and genuinely lovely poem. You're not just a wordsmith, you're a Master.
Aww thank you so much Britt, that's the highest compliment, and one I'm truly appreciative of given the situation. There are days where I'm still struggling with my book because of phrases I can't remember, but I'll take your words for comfort.
You are crushing it! I'm very inspired by you, and hope that you take it easy when you need to, I understand you're battling one helluva foe. <3
Thank you so much Britt! I'm inspired by you too!
This is so very beautiful. I can relate a little to losing words and this feeling, you explain it so well. It is a very understanding poem I think and helps others understand some thing too. That searching feeling. I lost my words a long time ago in a way, a brain injury and I had to learn a lot again and it feels like sometimes I never got them all back. I stammer and struggle with them sometimes in a way I never did before and I know what I mean but the words go and it is so hard. When you remember how easy it was to speak once before.
Roo, I'm so sorry my dear that you've had to face this as well. There are ironically no words to describe the frustration of this feeling. How do you manage this yourself?
For me, when I am tired I find the words go and I get tired a lot, so I need to rest. I think a lot of it is almost like, a physical problem for me? Like a record getting stuck. Though I know that is not a helpful image to some people, it works for me because physically saying words is sometimes a struggle, they just get stuck! Also to find my way around it it's like, you keep talking through it. People that are willing to listen, to wait and to understand are worth the time and know that you are worth the time too. In time, honestly I find myself laughing about it when I say a word wrong or stumble around trying to find a way to say what I am meaning. You have to learn that what you want to say has value and give yourself the grace to try and say it, don't let it make you silent.
That is so true, Roo. I can relate to this a little as well because of chronic fatigue and neurological issues. A friend of mine, who has had a stutter for most of her life, said something similar — that people you consider worthy will be patient and take the time to listen to you. We just have to try not to beat ourselves up about it.
Absolutely. I'm really sorry you go through those things. I never had a stutter before my accident but this is how things are now and I've had time to get used to it? So it's like as I learned my words again sometimes they came out 'wrong' but they are my words still. I think the way we say things is not so important as the things we say. Communication is so much more than just the physical sound of a word. It is everything; a look, a touch, a feeling. That is what is human. And all humans are different. Sometimes you can just look at a person and you don't need to say a thing but there is understanding. People speak different languages in all kinds of ways. Sometimes words don't even need to be spoken. You can take someones hand or make a sound, a sign, a gesture. If you don't 'speak' in a typical way, it doesn't mean that your words and thoughts have less meaning.
Completely agree Roo. I mean that's what makes communication, whether through body language or gestures, such an incredible part of our collective humanity.
this is so beautiful 🥺
Thank you Kiki, I really appreciate that.
"You know exactly what the forgotten thing is not." WOW this is so palpable. I forget a lot too / my memory has holes because of my disorder, so this made me feel so seen
I'm so sorry you're going through this too Alya, that's exactly what I hope to do with this poetry. You are not alone 🙏🏾